“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for
we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself
maketh intercession for us. . .“
(Romans 8:26)
In
truth, only the Holy Spirit can enable us to pray, and hence, only God
can teach us. Therefore, my natural question as a mother is: “What happens
to children?” Can children indeed be taught to pray by their parents?
The literal answer is shockingly, “no,” because prayer must be a conscious
act of the person who is doing the praying binding the mind and
heart together with God’s presence. However, it is my contention that
as parents we can provide an “atmosphere” which can allow children
to pray. . . allow God’s grace to work. This “atmosphere” cannot
merely evolve. Certain practices must both comprise and enrich such
an “atmosphere” which is conducive for prayer. This paper will focus
on these practices which should make up the Christian family life.
The experience of the family, of which the primary function is
the support and growth of each member, gives each person a sense of
who one is and how one relates. It is thereby the foundation of religious
education and values. How a child acts in the world depends on the biases
of the child’s family. It does not take much imagination for a child
to understand God as Someone who retaliates when the environment
of the family supports such a view. True, there are many other influences
affecting the child of today, such as the television set, peer pressure,
and schools. But it is ultimately the family which must provide the
opportunity for the child to continue his/her association with
God. Therefore, the family must maintain an atmosphere in which the
child can experience God, and this involves a very delicate balance
of personal, social and theological realities.
[1]
How do we formulate such an atmosphere as parents?
In order to answer this question, it is necessary to understand
how it is that we can experience God. According to Timothy Ware, “God’s
energies, which are God Himself, permeates all His creation,
and we experience them in the form of deifying grace and divine light.”
When one participates in these divine energies, one is brought face
to face with God. [2] Thus, the “atmosphere” is needed merely
to provide the possibility for God’s energy to enter our lives, to bring
us precisely, “face to face.”
First and foremost, then, families must together participate
in the sacramental life of the Church. We, as parents, can “theorize”
all we want with our children — and with good theory! But if
we do not match our theorizing with “practice,” there will be no connection
between the words and the practice. Thus the words will be meaningless,
while the actions will certainly speak; actually, the actions will “shout!”
The most common example of this lack of connection, is sending
the children to Liturgy on Sunday morning rather than taking
them and partaking of the Body and Blood of our Savior together. All
that will be imparted in this case is the impression that Sunday sleeping
is valuable for adults and the Liturgy is valuable for kids! And of
course someday when little Johnny becomes “of age”, he will not have
to participate himself in this experience for children. He, too,
can then be an adult and stay home to sleep.
Secondly, as Christian parents, we have to lead exemplary lives
— lives which are “in touch” with Christ and the Church. We cannot rely
only on our own insights as Proverbs 3:5-6, states, but must “acknowledge
the Lord to direct our paths.” We can do this through leading prayerful
lives ourselves. However, this “atmosphere-which-provides-the-education,”
I suggest, can take place through various practices of which I can
immediately suggest five:
1. The use of TIME AND SPACE. This practice comes through
setting aside available time and space. It is significant to take time
only for prayer. We can start with meal times, and bedtime. If we send
Sally to bed and tell her to recite her prayers while we are doing something
else, she may do it quickly for the sake of getting it over with, or
she may not do it at all. (Nor will we have any idea of what she is
saying!) But if she sees Daddy and/or Mommy seriously praying in earnest
devotion, she cannot help but be encouraged or inspired to pay attention
to her own prayers. The benefits from such a unified prayer in a particular
time and space in the family life are numerous. Most importantly, though,
it shows the love and respect between the father and mother. Also the
individual parents can draw from God the grace they need to direct the
minds and hearts of their children. In the words of Jean-Nicholas Grou,
“There is nothing more likely to lead children to fear God in the person
of their parents, than a high opinion of their piety.” [3] Equally noteworthy for this point is that the
family is not exuding its self-sufficiency apart from God,
but fulfilling instead the words of Christ, in St. Matthew 18:20, which
states: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am in the midst
of them.” Christ is there, in that time and space, with the family.
Along with this point, parents must also take time for personal
prayer. The best way is to discipline ourselves by setting a time
each day in our busy schedules, and holding to it! Phones can
be taken off the hook; doors can be closed and locked.
The other major consideration of this personal prayer is the space where prayer takes place. One has to decide for oneself
which place is most conducive to prayer. It could be in the home, before
the ikon, or outside with the elements, but mainly wherever one can
be moved to sense being in God’s presence; that is, in His space.
2. Providing the CONTENT. This is the practice of paying
attention to the content of the prayer. The most perfect prayer
we can pray is that given to us by Christ Himself the Lord’s Prayer.
There is nothing necessary for prayer which is not contained in it.
Its simplicity makes it perfect for children as well as for adults in
every walk of life. However, we must not only recite this prayer,
but understand what it is that we are saying. We can, of course,
do this by reading Orthodox books specifically explaining the Lord’s
Prayer, or asking direction from our priests. Once we understand what
it is that we are saying, then we can pray with our heart. In this sense,
it is not even important to concentrate on the words per se (Matthew’s
version of the Lord’s Prayer is different than Luke’s). Rather, the
Lord’s Prayer is the guide as to what we pray for.
From the Lord’s Prayer we can move on to “Lord have mercy.” (The Jesus
Prayer is an expanded form of this.) We can certainly use a prayer
book, but not as a crutch. Children should know that there is no such
thing as memorizing “The Special Morning Prayer,” but the fact that
they should pray in the morning, and give thanks to God for the new
day. The prayer book can help us in “what to pray” just as reading the
Psalms can. The point is that children will begin to know of what
their prayers should consist, (for example, adoration of God,
thanksgiving to God, supplication before God, etc.), and
may learn to pray unselfishly, rather than by orally submitting a “list”
to Him (such as one does with Santa Claus). This child needs also to
know that conditions cannot be placed upon his/her prayers. “God do
this for me, or get that for me, then I will do this in return.” We
must all be willing to accept God’s will, whatever it is and when He
is ready.
3. READING. Through this practice we come to nourish
our prayers with good reading. The Bible, as the prime “reading” source,
provides much direction for the content of prayer. The fathers of the
Church provide many insights as well. Christian parents must be responsible
to continue their own education, through various readings, lectures,
retreats, Church programs, etc. It is not enough to further one’s secular
education or “job skills.” One must grow in maturity of faith,
or one becomes “stunted,” unable to bloom. Once we become more aware,
we will as parents realize our inheritance and will be able to consciously
educate our children by our own lives. Our children can have faith if
we not only have faith, but live it.
4. LISTENING. This is the practice of learning to listen
or becoming more adept at hearing. All of us are different and distractions
may make us unable to concentrate. Ted Frederick went so far as to say
in an article entitled, “Praying on the Run,” that we learn to jog
in order to enhance our prayer life! His reasoning is that through jogging,
we can discipline our lives, stimulate our intellect and our emotional
faculties, and well-condition the bodies which we were given. This is
instead of becoming prematurely tired and unable to lift our hearts
in prayer, due to “lack of muscle tone and proper oxygenization” of
our system. [4]
His idea is that running increases our desire and our ability to perceive
more delicate stimuli which we may otherwise overlook in our stuffy
homes. I am not suggesting that we all jog in order to be in shape to
pray. But I am submitting the thesis, regarding our prayer life, that
we too must try to “listen” to things we ordinarily take for granted,
but which should not be. It is by such listening that we can become
aware of silence. I can remember, for example, when I came home from
a serious hospital stay. It was Fall, and my husband was out with the
children. I was standing and looking out the window. I heard the wind
rattling the panes, the sound of the heating unit clicking on, and suddenly
I felt enriched by the silence . . . aware that I was truly alone with
God. The point is that this silence can be a true plus to “centering”
in our prayer life. It was for me an awareness of where I was, who I
was, and who God is.
It was Teresa of Avila who cautioned, “We ought to address ourselves
to prayer rather in order to listen than to speak. “If we have difficulty
in hearing the obvious around us, how can we expect to listen to the
“small still voice” of the Spirit of God within us?
5. THANKSGIVING. The final practice is simply by living
a life of thanksgiving. If we truly are thankful for all things,
for God’s infinite mercy, and for God, then we should not be constantly
complaining or miserable beings. This attitude is easily acquired by
our children just as assuredly as they pick up a cold from others. It
is so easy to fall into the “woe is me” category when things are not
the way we want them. And instead of greeting each day with thankfulness,
or “catching” our children being good, we slip into despair when
the car will not start or the children fail to act as “adult-like” as
we would have them act. The old cliché is true: we can look at a rose
and bemoan the fact that it has thorns, or be grateful that the thorn
branch has roses on it. Better yet, we can be thankful that there is
a rose, is a tree, is a world. Personally, I have always found that
when I feel moments of darkness, a simple visit to the nearest hospital
to lift myself from my surroundings into the lives of those persons
who are really suffering, is quick to restore me. Or perhaps one can
stay home and read the story of Job. The point is that these moments
of darkness come precisely because we are centering on ourselves,
and not on the Lord. (As it is written in Psalm 36:9, as a reminder
of this fact: “For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light
shall we see light.”) Such a self-centeredness, I feel, is synonymous
to the misuse of material possessions. We must remember that all we
possess can be taken from us. Everything that we take into our own hands
in order to “possess it”, or to “store it”, keeps us from sharing it
with others. Love, then, becomes lost. We can truly trap ourselves in
our possessions through enslavement to objects, to people, to jobs.
Therefore, we must consider ourselves rich in the knowledge that everything
we possess is a gift of God and a sign of His love. This is the knowledge
which will enable us constantly to give “thanks to the Lord.” As St.
Paul wrote to the Colossians (3:17): “Whatsoever ye do in word and deed,
do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God and
the Father by him.”
CONCLUSION.
Despite all that we can propose,
there are no easy answers to the questions we have as parents. And there
are no guaranteed results. But we can, at the very least, feel secure
in the knowledge that we have indeed done our best to provide this “atmosphere”
which is comprised of these practices. It is through such an atmosphere
of the family, which is a Christian family, that I think we can
provide a type of “hidden curriculum” in our educational role. We have
accepted our responsibility and acted upon it. We have put our faith
on the line. The rest must be accepted by our children and left to the
grace of God.
Joan
Allen is a graduate of Fordham University with a Master’s in Religious
Education. She is the Khoureeye at St. Anthony Church in Bergenfield,
NJ.
From Word
Magazine
Publication of the Antiochian Orthodox
Christian Archdiocese of North America
March 1989
pp. 10-11
